I don’t know if you knew this about me but I love communication 🙂 I love what one can do with it and what a difference good communication makes. Everything – whether it is good or bad – can receive a different reception depending on how it is communicated. I am not saying that I am always doing everything right, but I always try to do my best to be clear and polite. I analyze the different connotations different words and phrases might have and I try to give others the benefit of doubt though this is really the hardest part. It is very easy to misunderstand each other. But it is not so difficult to double check what someone meant exactly or is it!? That is especially important in written communication.
I heard recently that I can seem too straight forward or even perhaps rude according to the local standards. That accusation shocked me and was on a playback in my head for a whole weekend. Honestly speaking, I have still not moved on from it completely. That person also tried to explain it with me coming from a different country, but I believe that there is more to it than that.
Most of us have heard about cultural differences in communication. I’ve joked for years that in Sweden when a person says that they don’t particularly like something very much, that means they hate it. But this is based on a true story. I have friends who always sound rude to the point of screaming when they are talking to someone in their own language. And I have lived in India where it seemed normal for a manager to literally scream at their employees.
I am not really sure where to place Estonia and Estonians in this politeness-rudeness framework, but we are probably a bit more direct than Swedes. Now I feel a bit torn apart because I’ve always felt that by Estonian standards I am too nice. I always struggle to say No or fight back. I hate conflicts and I want to get along with everyone. I’ve also been told by my old manager in Sweden to be more concrete. And now I have been told that I am too direct. I am too subjective to tell myself where the truth lies.
So there I am trying to balance concreteness with politeness, hopefully staying afloat.
What about you? Would you rather prefer honest concrete communication or do you want all of your messages heavily cushioned?